My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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