she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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