her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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