Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon

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(480): View more from Arizona

I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground

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(479): View more from Arkansas

yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face

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(416): View more from Toronto

he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...

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(318): View more from Louisiana

There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay

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(520): View more from Arizona

Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.

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