he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
