someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
