guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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