btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
