I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
