Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
