You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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