I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
