Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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