you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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