No awkward lesbian experiences without me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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