I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
