is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
