I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
