Whod you bang
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize