i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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