I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
