Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so let's talk penis.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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