Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
