Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
