You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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