I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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