he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
