I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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