this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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