so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
