A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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