the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
