tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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