in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
