he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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