Betty ford says i'm here all night
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
