I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
