pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
