would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so let's talk penis.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
