Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
