nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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