Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
