Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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