Welp...herpes.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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