True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All the doctor said was why
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
