Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
