First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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