your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How's work?
Spinning.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
