Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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