i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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