____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
