Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
