Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
