wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
