So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
