Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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