You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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