She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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