And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
