woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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