Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
